Jealousy

Maybe it’s a hormonal thing. I’m jealous of stay-at-home Moms today. I’m jealous of new Moms with their pre-pregnancy bodies. I’m jealous of Moms who produce more breast milk. I’m jealous of formula Moms who don’t have to pump at work. But then I wonder: Are they envious of working Moms; Moms who have a few pounds to lose but are fine with it coming off in due time; Moms who supplement with formula and do the best they can; and Moms who get a break at work to think of their little ones? Maybe it’s a hormonal thing.

I feel like I’m in between on a lot of these. Some days I wish I could stay home with Jill. Other days I really enjoy going to work. But take yesterday: Tuesday I had stayed home with Jill and we had a great time. Wednesday (St. Patty’s Day – see above) Jill was crying when we walked into day care. It broke my heart. It was so hard to see her upset. Of course she cries at “school” but we hadn’t seen it happen yet. Ideal solution for me: a part-time job with an independently wealthy bank account - not going to happen so my full-time job with precious time with Jill in the morning, at night and on the weekends. Monday holidays will be a special treat!

Breastmilk. Oh the breastmilk. I’m going to start taking Fenugreek again so I can make more. It’s so unbelievably frustrating to pump and not make much. It’s a vicious style really because I’m sure the negativity and stressful feeling doesn’t help production at all. My herbal friend Fenugreek and making more breastmilk might help with the next topic: weight. Although not the main reason, a very nice side benefit would be to drop a few (20) lbs. faster. I definitely don’t fit in either of the above-mentioned groups. I haven’t lost my pregnancy weight (although I have lost 30 lbs, yes, you do the math) but I’m also not ok with it coming off at a leisurely rate. I want to be back to my old self now! Haha So hard to have a foreign body still and not fit into your old clothes. Nobody wants to be wearing maternity pants 14 weeks after having a baby. But nobody wants to buy another new wardrobe either, especially after buying a mess of maternity clothes. Solution: buy a few new tops to fit the expanded chest and belly and a couple pairs of work pants. Join Weight Watchers. Give yourself a break. Take deep breathes. This is a big transition (still!).